Matt Feret (02:26)

Hey everybody, today's conversation is about money, but not in the way we usually talk about it. Because at some point in midlife, financial advising stops being about numbers and it starts being more about people. So today, my guest is Jennifer Lee. She's a financial advisor at Modern Wealth. And she believes financial planning and financial advising is ultimately nothing more than a form of communication, a way of showing the people you love that you've thought about them.

 

not just today, but in the future. Jennifer's philosophy was shaped by something deeply personal. It was a love letter her father wrote to her on a yellow legal pad when he was facing the of his life, a document that blended practical guidance with care and tension and love. So today we're going to talk about what that kind of planning really looks like, how to communicate

 

what matters and also how to reduce the stress for people you love and why getting things out of your head and onto paper can be one of the most generous things you ever do. Jennifer, welcome to the show.

 

Jennifer Lee (03:38)

Thank you so much for having me, Matt. Pleasure to be here.

 

Matt Feret (03:41)

thrilled that you're here. Let's start with your story. Share what did your dad write on that yellow legal pad and why it stayed with you all this time.

 

Jennifer Lee (03:52)

Gosh, yellow legal pads go back way far in my family from being 10 years old and Saturday morning, there were chores listed on that yellow legal pad. So this is a regular in our household. ⁓ But when my father was diagnosed with, ⁓ he was diagnosed with a glioblastoma with a brain tumor. And obviously that's pretty significant. And when he was,

 

He was an advisor, so he already had things planned out, but there's a lot to communicate. I work primarily now with what I call the non-moneyed spouse, and that was my mom. She didn't have any idea about where she would get income, where the assets were, how much life insurance we had, how the business would be sold, all these different components, and it was very stressful.

 

⁓ My dad communicated his ⁓ love letter both in person and on paper. And in person, he told us and shared what his life experience was, who was important in his life. He shared how much he loved his family, how much he enjoyed his career. ⁓ He actually went as far as to say who he wanted to sing at his funeral and what he wanted them to sing. ⁓

 

You know, it was really quite something. And the funny part is he said, ⁓ your mother is never ever to pull out her visa. So we all fight when we're out to dinner. My mom doesn't even reach intercourse anymore. It's been 10 years.

 

Matt Feret (05:30)

That's awesome. So 10 years ago, he writes this to you and then gives this to you. ⁓ And at the time, I guess I'm trying to put myself in your shoes. What do I do with this? I mean, it's emotional, it's sad, but it's also practical. ⁓ Did you realize at the time how important that letter is or would become?

 

Jennifer Lee (05:57)

Yeah, I'll just clarify for a second. So my dad was diagnosed on a Friday. He is a type A personality. was at rotary at seven o'clock in the morning. He didn't feel quite right. So he decided he'll stick out rotary. He'll drive back to his office. He'll research his symptoms. He'll call a few doctor clients. And then when they tell him to go to the emergency room, he drives himself to the emergency room. So they gave him an aspirin.

 

We were supposed to go on a trip on Sunday. And when the neurosurgeon came in to meet with them, he said, I can't operate on you for at least a week. You you had an aspirin, we thought you were having a stroke. You know, we can't do this. So my mom says, ⁓ we're supposed to go on a family vacation. He said, go, you know, go. And so we all went on this family vacation. So the first morning of our family vacation,

 

My sister came in my room at six o'clock in the morning. She said, do you want to come on the deck? And I said, what time is it? She said, six o'clock. And I said, what are we doing? She said, dad wants to have a family meeting. so he delivered it, his notes were on the legal pad, but he delivered it verbally. And then through the next five months, through all of his treatments, through different meaningful conversations, he was again,

 

reiterating certain parts, communicating those. was getting his, making sure all of his ⁓ trust documents were tightened up and doing some gifting strategies and some different things, consulting with people. you know, he was consulting with hospice too, because he wanted to know, what do I, what am I going to expect? You know, he was mostly terrified that, you know, he wasn't going to be able to communicate with us. So he had to get it out. Now,

 

The beauty of that is that I know how he felt. know what he thought. I understand what he, what he expects of us and expected of us at the time ⁓ because he kept saying it. And that, is such a gift. Most people don't have the benefit of that. God forbid you get hit by a bus or a plane or something happens. It's sudden. You don't have that. So now, you know, I encourage clients to

 

to write that family love letter, who depends on you? Is it your spouse? Is it your kid? Maybe you have a seven-year-old kid. God forbid, you go on a vacation and you don't come back. What does your seven-year-old son need to know about marriage? About, ⁓ I know, I'll probably hit you. I don't know if you have a seven-year-old son, but what do they need to know about ⁓ their community, about giving back, about money? Don't spend it all at one time, but you know.

 

Matt Feret (08:36)

More.

 

Jennifer Lee (08:49)

live on the earnings. There's so many things that are in your head that you really want to communicate. And unfortunately, you know, we don't always have that time to do it.

 

Matt Feret (09:02)

You're describing a blueprint that and it's really a life blueprint and a feedback and a legacy that your dad was able to verbalize and then write down really probably without a formal guide, right? This stuff doesn't happen in, you know, building wills and trusts. I mean, yeah, sure. If something happens when my daughter reaches the age of 30, this happens.

 

right? Or I would like to be buried instead of, you know, cremate. Yeah, exactly. Like, these are very tactical, practical things, but they're not what you just described. How did your own father giving you and your family this change how you think about money and planning?

 

Jennifer Lee (09:34)

Three minutes.

 

Well, think it, I mean, it made me write a book because I think it's the most important component of taking care of your, I like to kind of say it, taking care of your people. Who are your people that you need to take care of? Whether it's your partner, your spouse, your kids, your nieces and nephews, in my case, ⁓ your business partners.

 

Matt Feret (09:59)

Yeah, right.

 

Jennifer Lee (10:21)

Who are your people and what do they need to know? And what do, ⁓ you know, I often get tears in, if we're doing a talk about writing your family love letter, I'll say, okay, well, right now, Matt, if you had to make one phone call to your wife, to your daughter, to your son, what do you need to tell them?

 

Matt Feret (10:44)

How long do I get?

 

Jennifer Lee (10:45)

And that

 

this is the last, I mean, it you chills, right? This is the last phone call. What do you have to tell them? And my God, it's a lot. And so. Well, I mean, you you can have it as long as you want, and I would definitely encourage you to to to stimulate your thought process about that and even, you know, do it when you're in the car and just verbally put it into a voice text. Right. So I mean.

 

Matt Feret (10:48)

Yeah.

 

Right, and how long is the phone call? I mean, let me ask you a couple of follow-ups.

 

sure.

 

Jennifer Lee (11:12)

Two years ago, I was going to Africa for a second time. I had the privilege of going and I absolutely love it. And I was like, oh my gosh, I need to update things, right? So I have two businesses, I have a partner, I have things I need to communicate. And I didn't have time to like sit down and write all this stuff out. But I verbally put it into these voice bales that are kind of like, okay, if I'm not here, know, dial into that to say, okay, if...

 

this person you go to, to try to get the best value for the business. Here's how, you know, I mean, just communicating things that. You know, are, really, I mean, I some clients will say, you know, I'm dead. Why do I care? Well, I, ⁓ I think that's a, just a defensive response, right? I hope you do care. You know, you, you have, ⁓ people in your, in your life that depend on you and love you and.

 

you know, let's at least make it a little bit easier.

 

Matt Feret (12:13)

Yeah, how you know, considering one's own demise, ⁓ you're right. It is a something that not everybody gets to do. ⁓ Well, let me take that back. Everybody does get to do it at some point. Now, nobody gets to do it just before or, you know, short term. Not everybody gets to your point earlier. Like if I get hit by a bus, God forbid, you know, that's it. There's only two ways of going right instantly or or not. And so ⁓

 

But no one likes to think of their own mortality. mean, that's, if everyone really considered their own mortality, everyone would own life insurance. And we know that that's not true. ⁓ Why, what brain space must one get in before they undertake this? You say, right, it's a love letter. So it's from a place of love, yet that still oftentimes isn't enough to...

 

have people motivated to think past, ⁓ really visualizing your own demise and the impact you'd have on your loved ones and business partners and family members. ⁓ Because it's sad. It's distressing not only to think about your own demise, but how that would impact others. How do you get people mentally there? What would you say to anyone listening or watching who is like, yeah,

 

Conceptually, it's a great idea and I understand the logic behind it and I should do something like this and then never does. What is the missing link there?

 

Jennifer Lee (13:47)

Well, I think that ⁓ we could both agree that there's a group of people who will never do it. And it's just either they fear that if they talk about it, then that will mean that they'll die, whatever it might be, their own superstition, their own belief system, they're uncomfortable with it, it's too big. ⁓ You know, I really, I...

 

The question I asked you about, you know, this is the last telephone conversation that usually gets people in the gut and in the heart. And it's like, my gosh, oftentimes I'll do this talk with a group of women and they'll say, ⁓ my God, my husband needs to do this. Right. And because I work a lot with the non-money party and that they just, we divide and conquer sometimes. And so if the husband is the money person, you need to know. ⁓

 

Who can you trust? Who are the trusted advisors in your life? know, hey, I know if something happens to me, you know, you don't need to talk to the accountant. This is our attorney and here's our financial person, you know. ⁓ So getting them to do ⁓ it, it's having these conversations. It's talking to them about their people all the way through what the impact is to their kids, to themselves, and it's repetitive.

 

I don't just say it once and then I check the box. I talked to you about writing your family love letter. It's like, hey, how's that coming along? Because your kids are now in college and that's great, but are they ready to handle money? If God forbid something happened to you, what are we putting in place? And we talk about other things. I mean, I'm not an attorney. We talk about how do we coordinate these things with your legal documents.

 

writing your family love letter is almost like the cover letter to the will, right? ⁓ It talks about, ⁓ it communicates what your intent is and it communicates, certainly you're talking about the significance of the relationship with that person and so on, but just from a financial perspective, you're explaining where are the passwords? Where's the life insurance? Where's the...

 

⁓ Where are the investment accounts? Is there any cash hidden in the house? Right? Are there guns? You where are those? You don't want anybody to accidentally come upon these things. And you also don't want to forget a pile of money. I have one client who was, ⁓ she was telling me this story. Her mom, her, so her aunt passed away and

 

and she took her mom to her aunt's house and they went through the house and everything else and they're walking, they're getting ready to walk out through the kitchen, walk by the refrigerator and the mom is like 75 years old. She goes, there's milk, there's money in the milk. And her daughter was like, what? And she opens the fridge and there was, there was a milk carton and there was cash in it. Like you would have thrown it out.

 

Matt Feret (16:39)

What?

 

What?

 

Like, like their secret hiding.

 

Yeah. Like their secret hiding place for cash.

 

Jennifer Lee (16:50)

Matt, we would

 

have just tossed the trash, like pour it down the drain and toss it. There's money in the milk, right? So you don't know everybody's little idiosyncrasies. so you really try to, I try to focus people on what's important to them. You know, understand who my clients are in terms of what their intention is. Money is a tool, right? It gets you things. It gets you experience. It gets you lifestyle. It gets you time with your family. gets you whatever.

 

⁓ It's not just about the dollars and cents for me.

 

Matt Feret (17:26)

⁓ When you just ask a practical tactical question, you we went from yellow legal pad to form and structure ⁓ Where where would one start if they're trying to DIY this thing? On a yellow legal pad on a note on their cell phone that they should record themselves ⁓ You know, you were talking about things. Yeah firearms passwords ⁓ should have using

 

Like how complicated do I need to make this? Do I need to get a password user thing online that I gotta give to my kid? They've got to remember the password of the password keeper like that seems great. A bunch of reasons I just listed why I won't do this, right? I mean, so what's the best way to get this started?

 

Jennifer Lee (18:08)

These owners. Yeah.

 

So ⁓ a number of years ago, I did a...

 

a conference. went to a conference and was a vendor. It was like 20 years ago. And it was for men. So it was all sports and it was golf and all these different things. And we did a Mad Libs love letter. So you just fill in the blanks. Like, I love you because, and here's where this is. And this is a trusted advisor and this person I don't trust. And so I have that on my website. It's just, I mean, it's pretty basic. But

 

If that's all you're going to do and you can get to it, awesome. If you have an iPhone, you should definitely have a legacy contact. I don't know if you know about that, but you can just chat GPT how to do your legacy contacts so that somebody else can recover your phone. It's like a QR code that you keep with your legal documents and safe things. ⁓ And then in terms of

 

I think just however you can get it out. If it's ⁓ into your voice memo on your cell phone, that's fine. They transcribe it now. ⁓ And it's there. It's just in the safekeeping. It's just you're verbally dumping a whole bunch of things that are on your mind. and I forgot to tell you this. I think that that's a, just get it out of your head. That's the most important.

 

Matt Feret (19:43)

Yeah, it seems like you could even do that in the car. Like if you got a, you know, hour long drive, you're, linked into your Bluetooth, right? Your car speaker. I mean, you could probably just hit record and go while you're driving. Yeah. Good. Nice, nice way of thinking about that. It's not just, um, is, is one of the writing it down is, um, old school at this point, but it still works and still works in, in, memory and, repetition and framing. Um,

 

Jennifer Lee (19:52)

Yep. Yep. Yep.

 

Matt Feret (20:12)

Getting back to the yellow legal pad, writing this down is good, bad. Otherwise, does it make people want to do it more or less, or does just really depend on the individual and their style?

 

Jennifer Lee (20:22)

I think it's probably more dependent on the individual and their style. You would never have gotten my father to ⁓ type it out necessarily. He gave his, for the most part, verbally, and then he left us each a note. My note has like two sentences on it, and it's so valuable to me because it was specifically to me. ⁓ Would I have loved two pages? Absolutely.

 

⁓ But you just have to draw from the good stuff and keep that there. ⁓ So I think there is some sentimentality to having something physical for a family member. But again, that's up to you.

 

Matt Feret (21:10)

Can you pause for one second, please? I'm so sorry. Just one second.

 

Jennifer Lee (21:13)

I'm gonna move again, the sun keeps moving.

 

Apologies for my background continuing to change.

 

It's a very tiny microphone.

 

Matt Feret (21:20)

Yep. So sorry

 

about that. Yeah, I these are the actually earbuds and I'm going to write this down at so at 19 I took you know, you do not disturb your phone and you only have a certain number of people that can get through it on your favorites list and they got through I don't know. I don't know if you could hear that on your end, but I think yeah, sorry about that.

 

Jennifer Lee (21:32)

Yep, and they got through.

 

I heard it ring, but you know what?

 

You know what that tells me? Who was it?

 

Matt Feret (21:44)

My wife.

 

Jennifer Lee (21:45)

Okay, so she's just like, hello, can I my love letter?

 

Matt Feret (21:49)

Hahaha

 

okay, so, sorry about that. And, Lily, ⁓ that's, that's, it's, who's going to edit this is, Lily, we can start back again. ⁓ so you, ⁓ have described financial planning and financial advising as a way of communicating love, which is a unique, way of approaching it. what do most people miss when they think

 

planning is just about their assets.

 

Jennifer Lee (22:23)

Well, I think, I think it depends on the advisor and on the relationship. I've always been a relationship driven person ⁓ and, ⁓ you know, not transaction oriented. we all do, well, know, advisors are a dime a dozen. There are lots of us. And I always say, I'm happy to go into a gymnasium with a hundred, right? Because I don't feel like I'm in competition with a hundred. I'm in competition with eight.

 

And so of those eight, all eight of those are going to be more invested in who you are and what your money needs to do for you. Right. Because it's not just about how do you asset allocate and what should you, which type of account structure should you have and do you have individual stocks or ETF? It's not about that. It's really about what is, what is the purpose of your saving? it for your kids' education? Is it for your second home? Is it for

 

⁓ your spouse's new business building that you're buying, why are you doing the things that you're doing? ⁓ And of course we need the technical knowledge to be able to execute those things, but if I don't understand who you are as a person ⁓ and you're not willing to tell me, then we're not a good fit, right? ⁓ It truly is a relationship. And I have clients that I've had since the very, very beginning of when I

 

became an advisor, you know, 28 years ago. And those clients, it's so rewarding now. had one of them tell me recently, you know, I remember when you came into my office and were harassing me about putting money in my simple plan. And I'm like, yeah, now look at you, you got $4 million and you're retiring, come on. Like, and he's like, I know, and I'm like, yes, I can't believe you remember. it's, you know, it is rewarding to see people go through all those things, but.

 

Matt Feret (24:10)

Yeah.

 

Jennifer Lee (24:21)

You know, life happens too, right? Do you have a sick child? Do you have a sick spouse? Do you get sick? there, ⁓ you're dealing with ⁓ family members, loss of job, sale of business, any big change. It's, you know, that's where I say, you know, where money or finances and emotion collide, that's where you need an advisor, right? It's that critical point.

 

Matt Feret (24:47)

And you mentioned a bunch of life changes in there and not only life changes that are positive, but also crises, right? You described your father. mean, that's not that's a crisis, right? That's a family crisis, not only a personal crisis. What happens in your experience when people and families now don't have these conversations and don't take these steps beyond the assets and beyond the funding, the simple ⁓

 

Jennifer Lee (24:57)

Yeah.

 

Matt Feret (25:17)

plan. ⁓ What happens to families that don't have these types of conversations or think about these things before a life changer or crisis?

 

Jennifer Lee (25:26)

It ⁓ is so disheartening. What happens is it can destroy the family. It can destroy the dynamic. mean, can interfere with relationships. And in my opinion, it shouldn't. ⁓ It shouldn't. Money, again, is just a tool. And we get all emotional about it. ⁓

 

You know, if you're if you're the children of ⁓ you know parents are leaving money Don't fight about why are we fighting about it? You know, there should have been some conversation about the expectations of the children the expectations of the money You know, my father said, you know, and and this is my example, right? So he says, know you know You don't have your mother and I ⁓ don't have anybody else that we can ask things of anymore. Our parents are gone You know

 

Do you have anything you wanna know? Like, do you have questions? Like, you are your own family unit, just the three of you, there's three of us. you know, make sure that you stay connected because right now we're still connected because of my mom, right? And we have those relationships, our own relationships, but the real connective tissue is the parents ⁓ holding us all together. And if we don't...

 

develop a relationship and make sure we have a rapport with one another, then that can potentially go away and become contentious. So that's my fear for people is that unintentionally, if you don't address the money and the elephant in the room of how each child is going to handle these things, it becomes a problem because maybe you give one child ⁓ control of, and oftentimes it's the oldest, which

 

may or may not be right. The oldest may or may not be the most responsible financially, and they're in charge of the estate. Maybe they put their head in the sand and can't even cope with the loss and can't facilitate things. So you really do have to, ⁓ I think you have to, it's appropriate to be having some conversations. You don't have to, you know, we never...

 

My dad never really told us about the assets he had or anything like that. I mean, he told us that day, you know, I never talked to you about my finances, but here's what we have. Your mother will have this, know, boom, boom, boom, because he had to, right? So you don't have to, I have a girlfriend who I was talking to her about some financial things. She's not my client. And she said, I just don't want to get naked. And I said, well, you don't have to get naked, your pajamas. Like you don't have to tell everything.

 

to your kids, to your, to whomever, but you have to help them understand the basics and what the impact is. Hey, know, God forbid something happened to me, there will be some life insurance proceeds. Don't go pay off the house right away. Look at what your cashflow is, see what that can earn in investments and live on the earnings that will pay the mortgage, right? You know, the college fund is already there for the kids. That's going to be taken care of.

 

Matt Feret (28:40)

Yeah.

 

Jennifer Lee (28:44)

You don't have to worry about groceries or your regular bills because we have enough income. Those kind of things are comforting to whomever is left behind.

 

Matt Feret (28:53)

And you kind of mentioned this, right? Your dad didn't until he had to. And you were talking about your girlfriend that is, you know, trying to find a happy medium. And then there are others, right? In different generations, perhaps, than you are.

 

and he was big no. And that is, you don't need to know how much I've ever made. You don't need to know where I mean, it is just, you keep that from the children and or family. It's been none of you, right? None of your business. How do you approach someone with that ingrained in them and say, hey, dad, hey, mom, it would be helpful for the children, your children to understand a little bit about it. How do you approach that topic? Or you do you literally,

 

Jennifer Lee (29:10)

Tapu.

 

Matt Feret (29:38)

have a third party like yourself help that that isn't so, you know, it doesn't have 70, 80 years of history, if you will, from birth to current state to kind of an objective third party to move this along and move this topic. Do you buy them your book? Do you send them to your website? Do you just say, whatever financial advising services they are, they are not using, have the kids bring it up? How do you approach those topics?

 

Jennifer Lee (30:02)

That's a great question because some people will say, my parents will not discuss it. And so I have suggested, hey, why don't you just tell them you read my book and you thought it was really interesting and that they should try, they should read it. What do they think? And then leave it, right? They may or may not read it, you You can...

 

And a lot of times it's not always about, mean, sometimes it might be about, know, do we need to maybe accumulate your parents? Do you think they've accumulated significant assets? We need to make sure that their, you know, wishes are up to date, right? That their beneficiaries are named. Maybe they got divorced and they still have their ex on the paperwork and he got remarried and you know, that's a mess. ⁓

 

So it is important to update beneficiaries. It is important to have that conversation no matter what. ⁓ And I would make it more about, ⁓ know, maybe tell a story. Tell a story about your friend whose mom has just gone through this and things were not in order and, you know, the kids are fighting and, my gosh, mom, I don't want that to happen. Please tell me what it is that you want, right?

 

What is your desire? What is your desire with, you know, your assets? My sister just said to ⁓ my mom, like last week, she said, mom, you know, I don't want to fight about this when you're gone. She goes, will you please go through your jewelry box and write down who gets what? I don't want to fight with anybody about this. Like, just wanted to be clear of your intention.

 

cannot backfire on you, sure, but it's best to have some involvement in it. I'm sorry, the sun keeps moving. I keep moving over.

 

Matt Feret (31:58)

No, no, you're fine.

 

Yeah, no, it's good. ⁓ You mentioned a few, right, beneficiaries, right? We get prompted, right, out of our retirement accounts that once a year, right, or we get a letter. ⁓ What information in your experience do loved ones most desperately need but don't often have when something happens?

 

Jennifer Lee (32:20)

⁓ They don't always often have a financial advisor that they can talk to about things. So ⁓ I just had a call earlier today with a young man. He's why I say young because he's younger than me. 51 year old inherited money, right? And so he has a personal account, an IRA account and a Roth from his dad. And so he doesn't know

 

how to distribute those assets. ⁓ When you're a non-spousal beneficiary, you have to do it within 10 years under the current law. And he's not fully participating in this 401k at work. So there are some little nuances that we can give advice and direction on how to do things. ⁓ Also, it's important to know if you inherit money, ⁓

 

that you really should keep that in your own name, which means you have to keep it in a separate brand new account, one that never had ⁓ marital assets in it, one that never had a deposit from your job while you were married. You always wanna keep inheritance separate. Most people don't, they just get a check or they get a transfer and they just drop it into their joint account. And I hope that the marriage lasts, but we know that marriages,

 

Matt Feret (33:46)

That becomes marital

 

assets.

 

Jennifer Lee (33:48)

Yeah,

 

it's a marital asset like that. And you don't want that. not having counsel around those things, I think it's easy to make mistakes. And I always encourage people to think about, again, back to the person. OK, so here's this money. You inherited it from your father. You have to take a distribution every year for 10 years.

 

let's do it on Valentine's Day and let's do it so when you get the money, you do something that either you would have done with your dad or your dad would have wanted to do with you or for you or want you to invest in your house or whatever it is, but do it so it has meaning, right?

 

And that's just my take.

 

Matt Feret (34:30)

Yeah.

 

Well, I mean, that's, that's a, that's a philosophy, though, that's that bleeds through, right, which is it's a it's out of ⁓ love, right? You didn't start necessarily that answer with, well, you know, you should ⁓ delegate 10 % to charity and or your dad's favorite chair, you know, you didn't go through the normal list of like, moving money around in buckets, you know, you still ended on the end and with, yeah, you know what, you should have some emotional peace, because again,

 

money is a tool and ⁓ you don't always have to be a good steward of money that makes the most logical financial sense, right? It's not all about taking an inheritance and making sure you're on the front end of the compounding curve. You probably should take a little, you know what I mean? And be like, yeah, but there's still a piece you're getting at which is like,

 

Jennifer Lee (35:19)

Well, don't get me wrong.

 

Matt Feret (35:28)

There's an emotional piece to it as well. ⁓ And it's not just about dollars and cents. There's a love piece to it. There's an emotional piece to it that you're addressing.

 

Jennifer Lee (35:30)

for sure.

 

Yeah, you want it to mean something. this kid is, I keep saying kid, this guy is well positioned. Now he has this chunk of money to help him in his future, right? So we want to be strategic about what type of account it goes into and all those things, but the distribution part, you know, how's that going to contribute to your life if you're going to spend it? Don't just, don't just pay off your credit card. I mean, you need to pay off your credit card, but you know, don't just

 

mindlessly ⁓ buy things at Costco and then where'd my inheritance distribution go? Do something with intention. You you've been talking about going on a trip and you didn't have the money, boom, you've got the money. Go.

 

Matt Feret (36:20)

Yeah, that's a way of right. And make those decisions with the help of financial advisor. It's not just going like, well, I'm going to pay off my mortgage. Well, hold on a second. Right. Is that a, is that a, did you get that locked in at 2.9? You know, is that an emotional answer? Is that a financial answer and uncovering that, um, um, you know, generic, uh, logic or talk radio, radio talk show host logic.

 

Jennifer Lee (36:20)

Know where you spent.

 

Yeah, that's an example.

 

Matt Feret (36:45)

is different than personalized logic is, I think, your broader point and probably mine as well. ⁓ You know, we're talking about emotions and love and finances, but beyond those finances, what other personal or emotional details do people underestimate the importance of doing this type of planning for your family? ⁓ And ⁓ what are the other emotional pieces? I would imagine that ⁓ not only will the family be impacted by this emotionally, but you as yourself, ⁓

 

or somebody writing this would be emotionally impacted in a way that's probably rewarding at the end of the rainbow, but maybe not so much during that journey from the start to the end of the rainbow. What other personal or emotional details do people underestimate the importance of while thinking about this?

 

Jennifer Lee (37:29)

Oh, you mean to include in the love letter? I think a little bit about what we talked about in the beginning where I said, and I don't know, who are your children? You have a boy or a girl or both? Three kids, two girls and a boy. So communicating your values, right? Your values when it comes to

 

Matt Feret (37:32)

Yeah.

 

Three kids, two girls and a boy. Youngest is the boy.

 

Jennifer Lee (37:53)

when it comes to work ethic, when it comes to contributing to the community.

 

Matt Feret (37:56)

Yeah, it mute.

 

Jennifer Lee (37:57)

My turn, sorry about that.

 

Matt Feret (37:59)

that's okay.

 

You want to start that over? You want me to re ask that?

 

Jennifer Lee (38:02)

me just turn this thing completely off and then we.

 

Matt Feret (38:05)

That's what I did. went over there and hit off. Oh yeah, sorry Lily. So 20 minute mark and 37 minute mark. Okay. You want me to ask it again? I'll ask it again. Yep. So beyond finances, what personal or emotional details do people really underestimate the importance of when thinking about this process and the love letter?

 

Jennifer Lee (38:08)

Sorry, Lily.

 

Yeah, do you

 

I think when you're writing the love letter, certainly it's critical to talk about the financial components and those pieces in there. But it's also important to communicate your values. Who are you as a person? What do you hope for? What do you expect of your children, of your spouse? ⁓ What is it that, I mean, if you were here, you would be facilitating a variety of things that support the family dynamic and the family culture, if you will.

 

And if you're not there, still want to make sure, hey, I really would love it if you would still go on the annual family trip where everybody gets together and use some of the money so that ⁓ even though Aunt Susie can't afford it, make sure that you pay for her so she can go. It's whatever nuances and special things are for your family. And then it's also communicating to your children if they're young.

 

you know, what your hopes and dreams of that are for them in their career, in their ⁓ adventure, exploring the world, travel, their marriage and a partner, what you hope for them. ⁓ I mean, how does a little girl know what her dad would hope for her, right, as a partner? You don't know.

 

Matt Feret (39:52)

Yeah, you don't know at all. And what an emotional piece this is just to just to think about it and apply to my own, my own life. mean, right, we've all had loss. And what that would have meant years later.

 

Jennifer Lee (39:54)

Yeah, so it's.

 

Yeah, we're both crying. ⁓

 

Yeah. Yeah.

 

Matt Feret (40:07)

huge.

 

So I know I touched on this question earlier, but I'm going to ask it more acutely this time. How do you recommend starting this conversation without it feeling morbid or overwhelming?

 

Jennifer Lee (40:18)

⁓ I really have every conversation, you mean as the child of somebody or as an advisor.

 

Matt Feret (40:28)

as the child of someone or as the person themselves, you know, kind of addressing that whole like nobody wants to think about their own demise, even though we all know. How do you if you're a spouse kind of encouraging your partner to do it, or if you got to talk yourself into it, or you're a kid, right, a child, and you're talking to mom or dad about this. How do you recommend starting the conversation? I know I asked before, but how do you recommend it? Like, just think about a person to person.

 

Jennifer Lee (40:53)

Yeah.

 

Yeah, I don't go right to the, you know, demise, right? I try not to focus on, know, one day you're gonna die, what's that gonna look like? And how do you want your stuff to go? And do you wanna be buried or cremated? You know, that's not gonna be good. So I would be having a conversation like, I often tell stories that are similar ⁓ situations that people can...

 

can relate to, whether it's in fact true exactly or not. You can make up a fictitious friend, hey, so-and-so is just going through this. Oh my gosh, I don't even know what I would do, They left nothing. And so how do we know what she wants? We got three kids and people are fighting over the Toyota Corolla, whatever it is. You use that as an example.

 

And then you like look at your mom and you say, you know, you have this stuff squared away. Like, do you, are you clear on where, you know, you want things to go? And do you need to update that? And do you need my help? Right? I would maybe, maybe do it something like that. Or, and, or you can, you know, I mean, my book is,

 

Matt Feret (42:00)

Mm-hmm.

 

Jennifer Lee (42:21)

You know, I wrote my book and the woman who encouraged me to write it, said, I'd rather, she said, you need to write a book. said, I'd rather do your tax return. Like I don't really want to write a book. And so I, but I wrote the book and it's, and it's not really, I mean, you will accidentally learn some financial things. I promise you'll learn one or two things that'll help you, but it's not a technical financial book. It's, it's built on stories and it, and it,

 

built on emotion and it makes you think about how it applies to you. And I think that even just reading the love letter chapter, which is at the end, I talk about my dad's love letter and then I talk about mine, right? So in the beginning, I talk about my dad's, the end I talk about mine and in mine, I say, okay, well, here's what I have and here's why I have this kind of life insurance and you can have to, so I give a little bit of education if you want to know like,

 

Well, why did she pick that? ⁓ But it's really just communicating those different pieces and, ⁓ I'm sorry, turn a little bit, ⁓ communicating to your family, it's taking care of your people, right? That's it. Don't you want to take care of your people?

 

Matt Feret (43:39)

Yeah, you do. I do too. ⁓ And I think most people do inherently. ⁓ And because you can kind of put yourself in and imagine a place where, right, you're coming away from the, family's coming, walking away from the gravesite, right? ⁓ And then things happen. How do these conversations and these documents change that experience for loved ones during grief or transition?

 

And I'm sure you've seen both examples where A, they didn't have anything in place that you've that you're talking about and B, they did.

 

Jennifer Lee (44:16)

If ⁓ A, you don't have it in place and you're trying to have those conversations in an exceptionally emotional time, there is going to be a red hot mess among siblings and there is the potential, the propensity for it. ⁓ Even if you have it all written down, there's a propensity for it, but you just have a better shot. ⁓ And the question is,

 

is your goal to make sure that your ⁓ spouse or your children ⁓ stay connected and have a relationship? Or is it, don't want to deal with it, and they'll figure it out? That's, know, I mean, if that's who are, that's who you are. It's no judgment. It just is. But ⁓ I would submit that, you know, we can all write a little couple notes.

 

We can all review our beneficiaries and make sure they're in the right place. We can all ⁓ drive down the road and do a verbal text ⁓ to, like sorry to say, I went to Africa and ⁓ I just boom, boom, bang those out. Thankfully I didn't need them, but ⁓ it's a big deal when you're going to Africa. You're in the air for a long time. And then there's lions.

 

Matt Feret (45:38)

And then there's lions. Well, I mean, I think your broader point though is that you can you can formalize this, right? You can buy a workbook and you can fill out 500 things which very, very type AAA people would do, which is probably what 15 % of the population. But the rest of us, what you're saying is do something, hit record on your cell phone and talk into it and save it and then email it to yourself or your kids like

 

Jennifer Lee (45:40)

you

 

Thank

 

Matt Feret (46:07)

doing nothing. mean, there's really no excuse ⁓ of doing absolutely nothing. You can take it all the way in the to the extreme, but you can also just like, hey, I'm flying to Africa. There's a couple of things I want to tell you. I just put my will in a new safety deposit box at ⁓ this bank. ⁓ And the key is in the milk carton in the fridge, to use your prior example, right? mean, just that is just being aware of that. ⁓ That's a really good

 

Jennifer Lee (46:30)

Yeah.

 

Matt Feret (46:36)

a really good kind of delineation of it's super hard, but also it's really not guys. Just do it. Just talk.

 

Jennifer Lee (46:45)

Yeah, and if you want to download the Medlibs letter, it's there. You just fill in the blanks. It's in a Word document.

 

Matt Feret (46:52)

And that's kind of the, and that was really kind of the last question

 

is, is for someone listening or watching who knows they've been putting this off, or they know their parents have been putting this off and it would be super helpful to not have that kind of emotional ⁓ liability potential around, ⁓ you know, the death of a parent. ⁓ What's the simplest first step they can take now, right now, this week?

 

Is it the the the mad libs not add not mad libs, but mad libs on your website? Or what's the simplest step?

 

Jennifer Lee (47:22)

I mean, I think that's probably

 

the easiest, right? If you're like, I don't even know where to start. That's a no brainer. It's two pages. It's fill in the blank and you can expand upon it. It's not by any means perfect. It's just a beginning outline. That's an option. You can start there. We talked about, can share the book with your family.

 

I'm even happy to, I don't know if you want to offer a link to a chapter or something like that. We can do that so people will think about it and then if they want the book, then they can order the book.

 

Matt Feret (48:01)

Yeah, sure.

 

I can put it right on the website episode page for sure. Yeah.

 

Jennifer Lee (48:09)

Yeah, so I mean, I'll give you the link also for the Mad Libs ⁓ love letter so it's easy. ⁓ But I think those are two quickies. The most important part is who needs it, right? Who do you need to give it to? So that's that, you know, emotional piece where, okay, you got to make one phone call, who is it to? And what do they need to know?

 

Matt Feret (48:14)

Yeah.

 

Jennifer Lee (48:36)

And then you got to expand from there because it's probably ⁓ more than just your spouse, but that's the first one and that's big. So I'm going to challenge you, Matt, to do yours.

 

Matt Feret (48:48)

I've been thinking about it the entire time we were spent together. and, really because mine, my kids are older. They're not young. ⁓ yet, you know, what wisdom have I imparted on them? ⁓ if, seeing something happen, have I ever talked to them? What I, what I wish for them and they're in their, and their lives and their spouses or their partners and when to take chances and when to play it safe and my outlook and philosophy? No.

 

I don't know that they would have a

 

a recording or a document to hear my life's philosophy over time when I'm gone. And you may really think about that. ⁓

 

Jennifer Lee (49:28)

Isn't that a cool

 

idea though for them to have that? I mean, even now, just to tell them.

 

Matt Feret (49:32)

Yeah. So intimidating

 

though. I intimidating. ⁓ Really kind of, it goes down to your core, you know, my own core values and my own, ⁓ which some things change over time. Some things don't. ⁓ You got to be really clear in what you want to leave behind and what you want to say and what you don't and how you're living and what your advice is for them with all the years of experience. it's, can, here's what I'm saying.

 

Jennifer Lee (49:43)

Yes.

 

Matt Feret (49:59)

I can see how this is super intimidating, not just because of the time it takes to check the boxes on the finances, but the, do I want to leave? What do want this written or this verbal legacy to be to my kids? That's intimidating. ⁓

 

Jennifer Lee (50:17)

So the name of my book is Squeeze the Juice. Okay? So just think of it as what is the juice of Matt? Just what is the juice of Matt? Just go right to the core and then bullet point those things out and what made you who you are? What character pieces? What do you value in your family? Just boom, boom, boom.

 

You don't have to worry about all other nuances and how it fits together. Just bullet point it, get it out, and then you can flesh those out later.

 

Matt Feret (50:51)

I love it. And it's a great place to start. That's not too intimidating. ⁓ Let's talk about how to find you, how to find your book, how to find everything all about you. What do want people to know about you, where to find you, how to contact you.

 

Jennifer Lee (51:00)

I'm gonna,

 

one last time I'm gonna turn around see if I can get out of this sun. Okay. ⁓ So I have two websites. My professional website is modern-wealth.com. That's me as a financial advisor. And then I have the book website, which is squeezethejuicebook.com. the Mad Libs is on the modern-wealth and Squeeze the Juice is...

can order the book, you can read about it on that.

 

Matt Feret (51:32)

Cool. What if people want to talk to you?

 

Jennifer Lee (51:36)

If people want to talk to me, I love to talk to people. ⁓ I will give you my Calendly link for a 20 minute complimentary squeeze the juice call. So if somebody says, you you talked about this, but I didn't really, you didn't answer my specific question or I need to know more. ⁓ I'll spend 20 minutes with you. You know, no obligation. I love to meet new people and happy to help.

Matt Feret (52:01)

Awesome. Thank you very much. This has been ⁓ personally rewarding and a topic that I'm sure ⁓ probably, right? We'll have people re-listening to pieces of this and re-watching it. So I will as well, I'm sure. Jennifer, thank you.

Jennifer Lee (52:04)

My pleasure, thank you.

I hope so.

All right. Thank you, Matt.

 

Matt Feret (52:21)

Well that guys that was Jennifer Lee reminding us that financial planning isn't really about money or just about money. It's about care and clarity and really the people we love. So when we take the time to write things down or talk through the hard stuff and record it or like she just said, just start with some bullet points. Start with a Mad Libs piece that make it fun. Just get going. Just get started.

But once we do that to make our wishes known, we're not just organizing our finances, which we should do, but we're also going beyond that because we're reducing emotional stress, preserving dignity, in some senses preserving the family dynamic, or at least giving it a better shot of preserving the family dynamic in a rather emotional time, or a very emotional time ⁓ in grieving. But we're also giving our families a tremendous gift.

If this episode resonated with you, share it with somebody you care about, use it as the little nudge to start a conversation you've been meaning to have. And in the meantime, right, as always, here's to your wealth and your wisdom and your wellness. I'm Matt Ferrett. Thanks for listening. I'll see you next time.

Discussions in this show should not be construed as specific recommendations or investment advice. Always consult with your investment professional before making important investment decisions. Securities offered through Cambridge Investment Research, Inc., a registered Broker/Dealer, Member FINRA/SIPC. Advisory services offered through Cambridge Investment Research Advisors, Inc., a Registered Investment Advisor. Modern-Wealth, LLC and Cambridge are not affiliated.